No Green Thumb

1. When I first moved into my house, I was determined to do the man thing. I bought a lawnmower, a rake, garden gloves, weed killer, etc. I mowed my lawn about 3 times and then gave up. The builders of the house did some "landscaping," but they did a crappy job. They didn't kill any weeds and properly condition the yard. So, mutant weeds eventually overtook my front and back yard (not the mention the sides of my house). It came to the point, where I gave up and the weeds in my backyard started looking like trees. I gave up and was willing to pay thousands of dollars to have a landscaper rip it all up and re-do it from scratch. Along comes my neighbor. One night as I was watching tv downstairs, he knocks on my sliding glass door. I open it up and he tells me that he's going to be working on his yard the next day and offers to take care of all my weeds and fix up my yard for a little money because business has been slow for his family. I agree. I figure it's worth a shot since I would have to pay thousands for a professional landscaper to do it. So today, I come home from work and look in my backyard and I don't even recognize my yard! All the mutant 6 foot weeds/shrubs are ripped down and my yard looks like a million bucks! I was so impressed! I went over and paid my neighbor almost 3 times the price we had agreed upon. At this point in the story, I would like to mention the fact that my neighbor is a 12 year old Russian immigrant boy named Vileri. I am ashamed to admit that this 12 year old boy is 5 times the man that I am. Honestly, I was almost moved to tears. To see a 12 year old kid working his butt off to help out his parents, I wonder how somebody like me, who grew up poor with immigrant parents could have turned out so lazy and spoiled. Either way, tomorrow, Vileri is weeding out both sides of my house and has agreed to mow my lawn whenever I need. He offered to do it for $5. I told him that even in a recession, he should charge no less than $10.

2. I met this guy at the golf range. He was next to me and we just started talking and when he leaves, he hands me a card with his name and number on it and says, call me and we'll go play sometime. I figured he was just being polite and didn't think much of it. I don't know what happened to his number, but today I went back and see the same guy. I don't remember his name, but he recognizes me and immediately invites me to play tomorrow. He only has 2 in his group and I had a tee time to play with Kev. So tomorrow, Kev and I will be spending 4 1/2 hours with two complete strangers on the golf course. This is the beauty of the game. It brings people together and gives you the chance to meet so many cool people that you would otherwise never meet. When else would Kev and I hang out with a 65 year old retired white guy from New Jersey?

3. Esther signed up for golf lessons! I know this probably means nothing to most people, but I've been trying to get Esther to golf for years. I think she has potential. There were several reasons that I married her. One of them was that she's athletic enough to give my offspring a chance at success in their athletic endeavors.